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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25149922">Five Alternate Endings to Order of the Phoenix Because I'm Still Salty About It</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_Violet/pseuds/E_Violet'>E_Violet</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, not related to the story but forget about JKR</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:20:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,567</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25149922</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_Violet/pseuds/E_Violet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>1. In which Dobby is the Absolute Best<br/>2. Portus<br/>3. Two-Way Mirror<br/>4. Weasley's Wizard Wheezes<br/>5. Sassy Harry at it Again</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, both are sort of mentioned at some point</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>77</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. In Which Dobby is the Absolute Best</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Halfway to Umbridge’s office, Hermione grabbed Harry’s arm. </p><p>“Harry, you can’t,” she said, tugging his robe. “If Umbridge comes in, she’ll murder you. It will take longer if she catches you.” </p><p>Harry whipped around to face her. “Well what would you suggest?” His tone was a mix of panic and anger. </p><p>“I -"  she began, but Harry cut her off. </p><p>“Exactly,” he snapped. “This is the only way.” </p><p>Ron squeaked something. </p><p>“What?” Harry turned to face him. “I suppose you’re going to tell me that getting expelled is worse than Sirius dying?” </p><p>“No,” Ron began, sounding fearful. “I was going to ask if Dobby still works here. He may be keen on helping.”</p><p>“Ron, you’re a genius!” Harry turned toward the kitchens, oblivious to Ron muttering about if he’s supposed to forgive Harry for being rude. </p><p>Harry raced to the portrait in front of the kitchen, Ron and Hermione on his heels. He tickled the pear, wishing the door would swing open faster. After what seemed like an eternity, it opened and they entered. House elves lined up in front of them, though they gave Hermione a wide berth. </p><p>“Harry Potter, sir!” a squeaky voice rang out. Dobby ran towards them. “How must Dobby assist Harry Potter today?” </p><p>“Dobby,” Harry began, voice shaking, “Can you go to -" He lowered his voice so the other elves wouldn’t hear - “Number 12 Grimmauld Place and ask Kreacher where Sirius went off to?” </p><p>“Of course!” Dobby squeaked. “Anything for Harry Potter, sir! The others owe Dobby anyway, since he is the only one cleaning the Gryffindor tower anymore.”</p><p>“Thank you, Dobby.” He didn’t breathe a sigh of relief just yet. There was a loud crack and Dobby disappeared. </p><p>“How must we help you, sirs and ma’am?” one of the other house elves asked. </p><p>“Do you have any good cakes?” Ron asked. Shortly after Hermione asked if Ron thought with his stomach, the elves handed them some cakes and tea. Harry was too worried to eat, but Ron began shoveling food in his mouth. One elf was trying to convince Hermione that they really did enjoy working without pay and could she please stop with the hats where they cleaned because they didn’t want to be freed. Hermione grudgingly accepted the statement, although Harry wasn’t sure if that would be the end of SPEW. </p><p>An eternity later, Dobby returned. </p><p>“Harry Potter’s friend is safe, sir!” the elf exclaimed. “Dobby was going to ask Kreacher where his master was, but he heard voices that didn’t sound like Kreacher, so he went to investigate. Dobby found Harry Potter’s friend tending to a large creature. </p><p>“Dobby was satisfied, sir, but he asked Kreacher anyway because he knows Kreacher doesn’t like his master. Kreacher told a lie, sir. He said his master was in the company of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, but Dobby knew that was not true.” </p><p>At this moment, the other house elves gasped at the prospect of Kreacher telling a lie. Dobby continued. </p><p>“More people entered, then, sir, and one of them tried to accuse Dobby of spying. Dobby would never dream of betraying Harry Potter! The woman who looked like Harry Potter’s friend Wheezy must have recognized Dobby, because she called him off. Dobby reported his findings to them, also. They were mad at Kreacher, sir, but Dobby can confirmed Harry Potter’s friend is safe!” </p><p>“Thank you, Dobby,” Harry said, feeling slightly relieved. He took off his scarf. “I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you, but here’s something as a thank-you.” He handed the elf the scarf, and Dobby squealed in gratitude, saying he would add it to his clothing collection. The other elves rolled their enormous eyes. </p><p>“Do you think it was a Death Eater?” Harry asked once the trio had left the kitchens. </p><p>“Impersonating Sirius?” Hermione asked for clarification. When Harry nodded, she said, “No. It doesn’t seem likely that enough Death Eaters would have the time to spare for impersonating the entire Order. And if the Order was not worried, then there’s probably nothing to worry about.” </p><p>“Other than Voldemort’s imminent rise?” Ron suggested, his mouth full of food. </p><p>“Yeah, that.” Hermione put her arm around Harry in a comforting manner. “Come on. Let’s go to the Owlery. We can write to Dumbledore and the Order to make sure.” </p><p>Harry finally breathed a heavy sigh of relief. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said to his friends. “I shouldn’t have been so awful to you. I was just worried.” </p><p>“You have been nasty toward us,” Hermione said. “But we’ve all got a lot on our plates.” She lowered her voice. “I shouldn’t be saying this as a prefect, but how about, after we write the letters, we play a little prank on Umbridge?” </p><p>Ron and Harry both nodded eagerly, and the gang set off toward the Owlery.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Portus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This ones my least favorite, honestly</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>By the way, the first part that is in quotation marks is directly from the book. I doubt anything else is.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Harry’s mind was racing. The Death Eaters wanted this dusty spun-glass sphere. He had no interest in it. He just wanted to get them all out of this alive, make sure that none of his friends paid a terrible price for his stupidity...” He started to think of a plan. </p><p>While Malfoy was monologuing, he got Hermione’s attention by stomping on her foot. </p><p>“Grab another sphere,” he whispered. While he was afraid she would question his plan, the urgency in his voice must have triumphed over her doubt, because she did. </p><p>“Can you explain the prophecy again?” He asked to the Death Eaters. Malfoy huffed and began his speech again, while Harry instructed the others to touch the sphere Hermione held. </p><p>“We’re all touching it, Harry,” Hermione whispered. “What’s the point of all this again?”  </p><p>“Just wait,” he hissed. He focused on the Death Eaters. “I’m sorry about your prophecy, but we’re going to have to skedaddle.” </p><p>“Wait just a minute -“ one of the Death Eaters bellowed, while Harry intensely muttered, “Distract them, but keep a hand on the ball!” to his friends. In the blink of an eye, hexes flew from Ron, Ginny, Hermione, and Luna. There was a scream from one Bellatrix, but Harry focused with all his might on the ball everyone was touching. </p><p>Thinking as hard as he could of Number 12, Grimmauld Place, he pointed at the ball with his wand and whispered, “Portus,” while praying to whatever deity there was that it worked. The telltale jerk he felt meant it did. They had left the Department of Mysteries. </p><p>-</p><p>Harry hit the ground with the others and the glass ball shattered. A white, smoky figure rose up out of the ruins and began speaking. A prophecy, if Harry guessed. He put on his glasses and looked at the ground. They had landed on a green lawn. Too green for Number 12, Grimmauld Place. Harry looked up at the house. It was unmistakable. He was at Privet Drive. </p><p>He scrambled up to his feet and helped Ron and Ginny up. </p><p>“This is where you live in the summer, right?” Ron asked. </p><p>“Yeah,” Harry muttered. “And over there -“ he gestured to one of the neighboring houses - “Is Mrs. Figg’s - wait!”</p><p>“‘Wait’ what?” Neville said, pulling himself off the ground. <br/>Sax school xx<br/>“She knows the Order! She can help!” </p><p>Hermione got to her feet. Luna was face down on the ground, probably admiring the grass. Ginny kicked her, and she got up. </p><p>When Mrs. Figg opened the door, she was clearly surprised. </p><p>“You guys are supposed to be in school,” she said. </p><p>“We need to speak to the Order,” Harry said breathlessly. “Please.” </p><p>Mrs. Figg thought for a second. “I think the young one has a cell phone... I can get to her.” She w  alked into her house and came back with a phone. She dialed a number and waited. </p><p>“Hello, Tonks,” she said after a few seconds. “I have six teenagers that need to speak to the order... okay.” She handed the phone to Harry. </p><p>“Wotcher, Harry,” Tonks said. “Before we do anything else, I need to know what your Patronus is. Security measures and all.” </p><p>“It’s a stag,” Harry said awkwardly. </p><p>“Okay. Moody’s going to come get you. Surprisingly, he knows how to drive.” She laughed and hung up. </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>After an incredibly awkward drive with Moody, they arrived at Hogsmead. The car must have been worked on so it went faster than normal. </p><p>“This is your stop,” the old wizard said gruffly. “Go straight to the school. No detours.” They nodded and began the journey to Hogwarts. </p><p>After a few minutes of walking, Harry sighed. </p><p>“I’m sorry, guys,” he muttered quietly, but clearly. </p><p>“For what?” Ron asked, yelping when Hermione elbowed him. Harry sighed again. </p><p>“I put you all in danger. I’m so stupid, I should have just ignored what was clearly just a dream.” </p><p>“It was not just a dream, Harry,” Hermione told him. She touched his shoulder. “Yes, you do have a saving people thing, but despite its dangers, it isn’t always a bad thing.” </p><p>“Like how it allowed you to think fast and get us out of there,” Ron smiled. </p><p>“That doesn’t make up for me being a jerk the rest of the year,” Harry moped. </p><p>“Well, we weren’t the nicest to you either.” Harry looked up as Ginny spoke. He thought she was keeping to herself like Neville and Luna. </p><p>“Voldemort was messing with your head,” she said, shrugging casually. “You had just watched someone die when summer hit. We couldn’t tell you anything because of stupid Dumbledore, and we didn’t make up for your traumatic summer during term, anyway.” Harry smiled at her. </p><p>“Hormones are also likely,” Luna added. Harry looked at her in confusion. </p><p>“Is that another fabled creature?” he asked, causing everyone else to laugh. Obviously, Harry did not listen when the students got a sex talk second year.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This one’s kinda eh, as I said. Sorry.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Two-Way Mirror</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As the title implies, Harry uses his two-way mirror to contact Sirius.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So this one's a little anticlimactic, but honestly it's probably the most logical one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So,” Harry muttered to himself. “A two way mirror. Seems like a phone.” </p><p>He looked around to make sure he was alone. The only other person in the room was Seamus, who seemed really angry about something, and did not seem to notice Harry even entering. </p><p>“Uh... Sirius Black,” Harry said unto the mirror. It shimmered a bit, but then someone picked up.</p><p>“Harry?” Presumably Sirius asked. “What’s going on?” A loud squawk came from somewhere out of the mirror, and he muttered, “I know, I’m sorry.” </p><p>“Is that Buckbeak?” Harry asked. His godfather nodded. </p><p>“Bloody Kreacher came and attacked him,” he explained. “Something about a ‘distraction.’ Why’d you call?” </p><p>“I... had this dream,” Harry said awkwardly, feeling somewhat stupid. “You were in the department of mysteries. But it was like that dream I had about Mr. Weasley. It felt real.” </p><p>“Oh.” Sirius laughed. “You really think the Order would let me leave this hellhole?”</p><p>“What if somebody came and took you?” </p><p>“Well I’m still here.” He transformed into a dog, and then changed back. “And I’m pretty sure someone using Polyjuice Potion can’t do that unless they’re also an Animagus that turns into that specific shape.” Harry sighed in relief. </p><p>“Okay,” he said. “I’ll leave you to tend to Buckbeak.” </p><p>“Got it. Bye.” The mirror turned back into a regular mirror, and Harry collapsed back on his bed. Sometimes he felt as if the world was against him. </p><p>“Hey, Weasley,” Seamus called time Ron, who had just entered the room. “Tell your sister to say no to Dean. He plans to ask her out.” </p><p>“WHAT?” Ron screamed, as Harry teasingly called to Seamus, “Why, jealous of Dean?” Seamus ignored Ron and turned to Harry. </p><p>“No,” he said in complete sincerity. “I’m jealous of Ginny.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ron enlists the help of his brothers to get out of the Department of Mysteries.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is probably my favorite ending, though probably the biggest stretch canonically. It includes the most Harry/Ginny content of all of them and also mentions Wolfstar.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Excellent work, Potter,” someone said from behind the group. “Now hand me the prophecy.” </p><p>Slowly, Harry turned around. Lucius Malfoy was looking at him, expectantly. He was flanked by a group of death eaters. </p><p>“Stall him,” Ron whispered suddenly. “I’ve got a plan.” </p><p>“What prophecy?” Harry asked casually. Malfoy looked at him as if he was crazy. </p><p>“The one in your hand,” he snarled. </p><p>“My wand?”</p><p>“In your other hand!” </p><p>“Oh, this old thing?” Harry leaned against one of the shelves and casually tossed the sphere in the air. A few of the Death Eaters gasped in fear. “This is just ol’ Brody. My pet bouncy ball.” He grinned mischievously. “Wanna see him bounce? He can bounce real high.” </p><p>“No!” the witch next to Malfoy shouted. “I’m taking over,” she snarled to him. She turned back to Harry. “Give us the prophecy, and the Dark Lord won’t kill Sirius Black.” Harry was jolted back to reality. </p><p>“Where is he?” he asked the witch menacingly. “Don’t tell me he isn’t here. I had a dream he was.” Malfoy laughed a cold laugh. </p><p>“It’s about time you learned to separate your dreams from reality, Potter.” He smiled evilly and held out his hand. “Give me the prophecy.” Harry was frozen in place, still with a death grip on the ball. </p><p>“Wha-“</p><p>“Voldemort planted a false dream in Harry’s mind, didn’t he?” Hermione asked. Malfoy laughed coldly again. </p><p>“See, Potter?” he said. “This one’s smart. You should learn from her.”</p><p>“Or don’t!” the witch cackled. “If he doesn’t, it will be easier to kill the both of them!” </p><p>“I should learn from her?” Harry asked. “Yes. Me, Ron, Neville, Luna, Ginny. We should all learn from her. She’s brilliant. But I think your son should also learn from her. After all, she is the superior wizard in that situation.” Malfoy gasped. </p><p>“A Mudblood? Better than my Draco?” </p><p>“Better than nearly everyone.” Harry smirked. “And that’s not a nice word.” </p><p>“How is my son attracted to you, a blood traitor?” Malfoy sighed, smacking his forehead. Ron barked out a laugh as he realized what the elder Malfoy had said. </p><p>“You mean Malfoy fancies Harry?” he cackled. Harry made a face. </p><p>“Well,” he said, taken aback. “He’s not my type. And if he really wanted to convey that, maybe he shouldn’t bully me and my friends relentlessly.” </p><p>“So you’re one of those boys,” Malfoy drawled. “Who are jocks madly in love with exclusively women.” </p><p>“Nah,” Harry shrugged. “I just don’t like racist gits. I mean, if Ginny asked me out, I’d be over the moon, but if Cedric did, too, may he Rest In Peace, I wouldn’t have hesitated saying yes.” </p><p>“Are all of your friends like this?” Both Ginny and Malfoy were watching with smiles. Malfoy’s smile obviously conveyed that he thought Harry’s friends would abandon him, while Ginny plainly looked amused. </p><p>“I’m also bisexual,” she said. </p><p>“I’m demisexual and biromantic,” Hermione announced. </p><p>“I’m trans,” Neville added. </p><p>“I don’t care about gender, just that someone’s nice,” Luna told the group in her typical dreamy voice. </p><p>“I’m straight,” Ron said awkwardly. “But I love and support all my friends.” </p><p>“How... touching,” Malfoy drawled. “Potter, your friends are -“</p><p>“CAN WE SHUT UP AND GET THE DAMN PROPHECY?” the witch screamed suddenly. Seemingly jolted out of a trance, Malfoy stood up straight. </p><p>“Yes, Potter,” he said. “Prophecy. Now.” </p><p>“I am so confused,” Harry remarked. He tossed the prophecy in the air again. “This is a bouncy ball. What pro-“ </p><p>Harry’s next words were drowned out, by the sound of loud fireworks and thrilled screams. Harry turned to Ron, awed. </p><p>“Is that-“</p><p>“Fred and George,” he answered proudly. “I floo-called them after Umbridge left.”<br/>The twins zoomed down to the group. </p><p>“Here,” George said, handing each kid a broom. “You’ll need these. Hurry up and mount them.” Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville and Luna all obeyed, though Ginny had to steady Neville. They rose up into the air as Fred pulled one of his portable swamps out of a large bag hanging from his broom. He dropped it, and the group could hear disgusted noises from the Death Eaters. </p><p>“Drop this down on them, too,” George told Harry, handing him a small pouch. “But it’s Peruvian instant darkness powder, so wait until we mess with them some more.” Ginny flew up to Fred and held her wand up inquisitively. He grinned and lightly punched he shoulder. </p><p>“Go wild, sis,” he said. She dropped down to get closer to the adults and started firing Bat-Bogey hexes at them.</p><p>“Shield hats!” Fred yelled at the rest. He tossed one to each flier and instructed them to put them on. George flew down to Ginny’s level and set one on her head. </p><p>“More fireworks, Freddie,” he called. </p><p>“Got it, Georgie!” As predicted, more fireworks went off, spelling out obscenities toward the Death Eaters. </p><p>“Ginny!” the twins yelled. “Get up here!” She obeyed, and George surveyed the crowd. </p><p>“We’re going to put an anti-apparition charm on here,” he told the students. “As soon as we get to the door, Harry, drop that pouch. It has Peruvian instant-darkness powder in it. They won’t see a thing.” Luna laughed. “All right, go!” </p><p>Neville screamed something as the group sped toward the door on their brooms, and Harry tossed the pouch back in once the eight had escaped. Hermione shut the door and put multiple locking charms on it. </p><p>“What’s wrong, Nev?” Ginny asked. He held up his broken wand and frowned. </p><p>“It’s my dad’s,” he whispered. “Gran’s going to kill me.” He remembered his handiwork, and grinned. “But I hit all of them except Malfoy with a stupefy. I hit Lestrange extra hard.” </p><p>“That’s amazing!” Hermione exclaimed, grabbing Neville into a hug and lifting him off the ground. “I’m sure your parents would be proud.” He smiled, and then Harry kicked both of them. </p><p>“We’d better go,” he told them. “What if they escape?” The twins nodded. </p><p>“Good idea.” They all mounted their brooms again and flew back the way they came, nearly crashing into the Order. </p><p>“What’s going on, here?” Moody growled. Harry stood up and bravely looked at the threatening ex-Auror. </p><p>“I made a mistake,” he said. “I trusted my emotions more than logic. But my friends were here to help, especially Fred and George. We couldn’t have done it without them, or Ron calling to get them.” Every adult looked at him, incredibly confused. “Also we trapped a bunch of Death Eaters in the prophecy department.” </p><p>Ginny snorted at his explanation. So did Tonks and Sirius. Moody just glared at all of them, with both real and fake eyes. </p><p>“All right,” he said. “Children - and Fred and George - go with Black. Lupin, go to the Auror office and inform them what happened.” His face shifted into somewhat of a smile. “You can also inform them of your boyfriend’s innocence. As soon as the rest of us are done rounding these Death Eaters up, we’ll come to back you up. Everyone else, come with me. Got it?” </p><p>Everyone nodded, and an intimidated Neville squeaked, “Sir, yes, sir!” and saluted. Then the group ran off in their separate directions. </p><p>“Did you really mean you’d date me?” Ginny asked, running right beside Harry. </p><p>“Yeah,” he said awkwardly. “If you wanted to. I mean, if you don’t I’ll be fine.” </p><p>“Well,” she replied, smiling, “Dean Thomas asked me out. But I can always say no.” She grinned and stopped suddenly, grabbing his arm so he also stopped. Then she jumped onto her toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek.</p><p>“Oh, congratulations!” Ron yelled sarcastically, snapping both Harry and Ginny out of their haze. “But you guys are losing everyone else!” </p><p>“Oh,” Harry said. He grabbed Ginny’s hand and they ran to catch up with everyone else. </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p>Rufus Scrimgeour was glaring at the six kids, two adults, and two Weasleys that were on the brink of adulthood, all sat around in his office. </p><p>“I have to say,” he said to all of them, annoyed. “That is such a wild story that it might actually be true.” </p><p>“It is, sir!” Hermione exclaimed. “Every bit of it.” </p><p>“Silence,” Scrimgeour growled. Hermione nodded and sat back down. “Even if it is true, who would believe the testimony of an escaped convict, a werewolf, six kids, and two highly immature boys?” </p><p>“Now!” Ron yelled, standing up. “What does being a werewolf have to do with -“ Before he could finish, Harry collapsed on the floor. Everyone turned to him. </p><p>“What is it, boy?” Scrimgeour barked. </p><p>“Show some respect!” Ginny shot back. “He’s clearly in pain!” </p><p>“Voldemort’s ... in ... there,” Harry gasped, his hand covering his scar. “He’s a-angry.” Everyone except Scrimgeour and Luna, who, despite her normally sweet disposition, was shooting daggers at him, was surrounding Harry. </p><p>“Do you know anything else?” Sirius asked, worriedly. Harry winced again. </p><p>“D-Dumbledore’s... th-there,” he choked out. He scrunched up into an even tighter ball and gasped in pain, wondering if he could die at that moment. </p><p>The door burst open and Moody hobbled in, followed by Tonks and Kingsley Shacklebolt. </p><p>“We’ve rounded up the Death Eaters,” Moody growled. “Dumbledore’s in there, dueling Voldemort.” He wiped something black off of his cloak. “That was harder than it should have been.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Fred said sheepishly. “We thought it would get them turned around.” </p><p>“Oh, it was pretty funny,” Tonks laughed. “Malfoy was bumping into everything, and then a few others stirred and ran into one of the shelves.” The twins high-fived each other, and Scrimgeour sighed. </p><p>“I need questioning from the three of you,” he said to the newcomers. “Does Dumbledore need backup?” Harry let out a yelp of pain. </p><p>“Nope,” he announced, still wincing. “I think Voldemort just left in anger.” </p><p>“Okay.” Scrimgeour put his face in his hand before going back to ordering everyone. “Someone get these students back to school.” Lupin volunteered. “Okay. And get the boy some medical attention.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Sassy Harry At It Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry and the gang go to Snape to see if Harry’s vision was real</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am so sorry... I forgot about this fic lol. here’s the last chapter</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry paced back and forth. </p><p>“If only Professor McGonagall was here,” he sighed. “An Order member would know what to do.” Ron sighed as well. </p><p>“But there are no others here,” he said. Hermione made a small noise in her throat from the corner. </p><p>“There is... one,” she whispered. The two boys look at her, incredulous. “Professor Snape.” Harry rapidly shook his head and Ron made a gagging motion. </p><p>“No, no, no!” Harry yelled. He lowered his voice in case anyone was listening. “Snape hates him as much as Voldemort does. He’ll probably make something up to keep me from going after S-“ The door opened, and Harry shut his mouth. Neville poked his head in, followed by Ginny and Luna. </p><p>“Is everything okay?” he asked. “You collapsed in the middle of the exam.” </p><p>“Must have been a case of Nargles,” Luna said solemnly. </p><p>“Was it another vision?” Ginny asked. Harry nodded, and she stepped into the empty classroom they had been using and sat on a desk. “Well?” Harry’s mouth seemed glued shut, so Hermione spoke up. </p><p>“Harry had a dream,” she began, “That Voldemort had somehow gotten ahold of Sirius and was torturing him, and Harry seems to think he’ll be killed. He wanted to go after him, but I suggested talking to Snape. He is in the Order, after.” </p><p>“Still a git,” Ron grumbled, while Harry snapped, “A vision, not a dream.” Hermione tossed her hands up in the air, signaling that she gave up. </p><p>“You can’t just go running into a death trap,” Ginny remarked, and if Harry wasn’t freaking out, he figured he’d quite admire her ability to stay calm in such a situation. “We should at least check to see if it isn’t a trap.” </p><p>“How?” Ron asked. “All Floo systems are watched except Umbridge’s and her door is locked in such a way that we can’t just use ‘Alohomora.’” Harry thought for a second, and was about to speak when Neville beat him to it. </p><p>“This is someone you care about, right, Harry?” he said. Harry nodded, surprised at the usually quiet boy’s interruption. “And you said he was being tortured?” Again, Harry nodded, and Neville stood up a little taller. “Then we need to find out what’s happening as fast as possible. Whatever elaborate scheme we could plan to get into Umbridge’s office, won’t be as fast as going to Snape.” Harry and Ron made a move to protest, but he cut them off. “I am terrified of him, but if we don’t act fast, V-Voldemort will keep torturing your friend even longer, and I can safely say that it won’t end well.” He looked at the other five, daring anyone to protest. Finally, Harry nodded. </p><p>“Okay,” he said. “Let’s go find Snape.” </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>The group reached the Potions master’s door and barged in. Given the gravity of the situation, Harry figured he’d manage whatever punishment Snape had in store for him. The professor immediately stood up from his desk when they entered. </p><p>“Potter,” he snarled. “Barging into rooms just like your father, I see.” His eyes scanned the group and he sneered. “If any of you want your exam scores, I can safely say that none of you will pass the requirements to enter the NEWT level. And Longbottom probably failed.” Neville’s face turned red and Harry stepped up. </p><p>“I don’t appreciate you bullying my friends,” he said bravely. “But that’s not why I’m here. I need you to find out if Sirius is okay.” Snape’s mouth curled into a nasty grin. </p><p>“Have a nightmare, Potter?” Harry looked at him, worried. </p><p>“Please.” The professor sighed and flicked his wand, sending his doe Patronus off. </p><p>“What’s that supposed to do?” Ginny asked. </p><p>“A Patronus can be used to send a message,” Luna piped up, dreamily as usual. “He must have sent a message to Stubby to figure out what was happening.” </p><p>Neville, Ron and Hermione looked at her, confused, and she explained. “Sirius Black is Stubby Boardman. There was a whole Quibbler article about it.” </p><p>“That is most certainly false,” Snape scoffed. “How you are in Ravenclaw is a mystery to me.” Luna just shrugged, and he turned to Harry. “Her comment of the Patronus is correct. Evidently you listen as little in your other classes as in Potions and Occlumency.” </p><p>“Maybe I would be better at Occlumency if you actually taught me what to do,” Harry shot back. Ginny snorted, and Hermione whispered a warning, “Harry...” in his ear. He ignored her. </p><p>“You take after your father in your crude disrespect of authority,” Snape said. Harry looked around. </p><p>“What authority?” he asked. “I don’t see any.” More snickers came from every other person except Hermione, who just looked nervous. </p><p>Snape opened his mouth to say something, but saw a Patronus enter the room. </p><p>“Oh, look at the wolf Patronus,” he sneered. The silvery wolf spoke up. </p><p>“Of course I’m okay!” it said, and Harry recognized Sirius’ voice. “Just sitting in this hellhole of a house, doing nothing but cleaning and fixing up this hippogriff my fucking elf stabbed!” </p><p>“Buckbeak!” Hermione squeaked, evidently worried for the animal. Harry breathed a sigh of relief while Ron made a confused noise. Snape sighed again. </p><p>“What is it, Weasley?” he asked. </p><p>“Well,” Ron said, “It’s just, I thought since he was a dog, his Patronus would be a dog.” Snape sneered. </p><p>“Well,” he drawled, “Patronuses can... change.” </p><p>“After am important emotional experience, I believe,” Hermione added. Snape made no effort to correct her, so the group assumed she was correct. </p><p>“But why would it be a wolf?” Harry asked, as confused as Ron now that he knew his godfather was safe. Hermione snorted, followed by Ginny. The two boys looked at them in confusion, and Snape rolled his eyes. </p><p>“Idiot boy,” he said. “Leave my office before I dock any points.” Harry obeyed, happy to leave as soon as possible, while Ginny and Hermione continued laughing, for some reason.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that’s a wrap!</p><p>Now excuse me while I pick one to glue over the ending of OOTP.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I love Dobby. </p><p> </p><p>Also 'tickle the pear' is such a weird set of words.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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